No rush

Let’s wrap things up on all this bedroom talk, and go back to non-awkward tales of going down the pub or leaving catheters on planes. If you’ve got any concerns, it’s worth a) speaking to a medical professional, but b) making sure it’s someone who you feel is understanding and helpful – I can vouch for that fact that there are many who aren’t, and don’t be put off or made to feel foolish by any doctors or nurses purely focused on getting you well, but no more than that. There are good healthcare folks out there willing to listen or advise. Psychosexual counsellors can be fantastic, and your GP might give you a referral.

It’s not my place to advise much on the deed itself, but all I will say is try, try and try again – and have fun doing so. No rush. Kissing, touching, all that jazz… it can only help things. In fact – whisper it – I once heard that guys with catheters could potentially be better in the bedroom because they focus more on the build-up, rather than just the big event. (And that is no way a humblebrag, as I believe they call it nowadays.) Gentle, slow, steady, attentive: they’re all good things and can only help. If you run into problems, not producing what you promised, remember you promised nothing, so go back to touch. All is not lost.

What we so often think of as permanent – ruling things out, writing things off – may not be so. Some issues we have are permanent, but others may be temporary, tweakable or improvable. Seek a listening ear from a healthcare expert. It’s out there.

And a partner’s out there too. I found mine, and I wish you well on finding yours. Don’t be put off. Don’t be offended if someone finds it all too icky and tiresome and not worth their effort (if so, they’re wrong for you, and won’t be there in the rough times anyway). Try and be a yes-person, and be as flexible as your cath – maybe you’ll find someone else who is too. There’s no rush.

The opinions expressed here are of a personal and anecdotal nature, and are in no way a substitute for professional medical advice. You should always consult your doctor or nurse if you have any questions.